Momma, I am not ready for preschool.

Monday was Story's first day of preschool.  She is attending school MWF from 8:45-11:45.  All summer long, we have been talking about and preparing for this moment.  We have talked about how she would go to the school where Tilly and Summer went.  We have talked about how lovey would have to stay in the car while she was at school, gasp.  We have talked about how she would be in Miss Audie's class and meet new friends.  We have talked about how she will learn and sing and play.  We have talked about how Mommy will drop her off each day and pick her up when she is done.  For some life events, you just cannot prepare enough.  Sometimes, we don't feel ready until we just do it.  

This may be one of my most favorite pictures I have ever taken.  It tells so much of how our morning went.  She kept telling me all morning that she wasn't ready.  I wasn't so sure that I was ready either.  She has been my little buddy all day every day for the last two years.  Every so often she would ask me if it was time to leave yet.  I could tell she was so nervous.  It was a tricky dance of trying to reassure her, but not baby her.  

I did manage to get her to look at me and stand beside her pretty chalkboard sign.  But she would not hold the sign.  And she would not smile.  And she would not even say iiiice cream, which always makes her smile.  I knew it ws going to be a rough exchange once we got to school.  

I wish I knew what she was thinking here in this moment.  So, we drove to school.  I prayed aloud for her, and the whole time she kept saying no.  Over and over and over.  I prayed anyway.  We got to the school, and she would not walk, so I held her.  Tight.  She would not take a picture by the pretty PCS sign like all of the other boys and girls.  She would not take a picture in front of her classroom door, nor would she take a picture with her teacher.  But, she would hold on tight to me as I walked her inside, the whole time whispering to her that she was going to have a great day and that she was (we were) going to be just fine.  Even if we weren't ready.  Truth of the matter is, I wasn't ready.  I thought I was.  I have done this before, lots of times before with three other children.  But she is the baby, and I was not prepared for the wave of emotion that would overtake me once Miss Audie peeled her from my arms.  I barely made it down the hall before the tears starting falling.  

I picked her up at 11:30 on the dot, as early as allowed.  She squealed my name and ran to my arms!  And then she got down, got her bookbag, and walked out of the school like she owned it.  Whew.  I think we are going to be just fine.  Miss Audie told me that she had a great day and that was a very sweet friend to her classmates because she pushed all of them in the swings on the playground.  Her brother and sisters have trained her well, ha!  After I picked her up, we ran a few errands and headed home for naps before it was time to get the big three plus Ella.  

A few minutes into nap time, I went to check on her, and this is how I found her, worn out from her first day of school.  Two plus hours later when David came home, he walked in the room and found her in the same position.  Happy first day of school, sweet Story.  I think we are going to be just fine.  And Wednesday, when we do this all over again, I think we will both be ready for it.